1. The One With the Proposals
/Roommates Cam Chabon and Ally Lonergan are surprised when their longtime friend and roommate Gillian proposes to her girlfriend Ashley at their newly opened subway station. When Gillian announces she’s moving out, Cam and Ally must find someone to replace her as soon as possible.
About
NEXT STOP is a Multitude production written and created by Eric Silver. You can read more about the show, including our full cast list and episode transcripts, at nextstopshow.com. We’re on Twitter and Instagram @NextStopShow. Join our Patreon to gain access to behind-the-scenes content, additional scenes, bloopers, and the opportunity to have your name included in the credits of Episode 10.
Credits
Written and Created by Eric Silver
Directed, Edited, and Sound Designed by Brandon Grugle
Executive Produced by Amanda McLoughlin
Assistant Directed, Casting, and Additional Editing by Julia Schifini
Starring
Yemie Sonuga (she/her/hers) as Ally Lonergan
Nick Fondulis (he/his/him) as Cameron Chabon
Ian Henry Walls (he/his/him) as Samuel Clemens
With
Mélisa Brenier-Sanders (she/her/hers) as Gillian
Kathryn Milewski (she/her/hers) as Ashley
Brandon Grugle (he/him/his) as Roommate Candidate #1
Mike Schubert (he/him/his) as Roommate Candidate #2
Eric Silver (he/him/his) as Roommate Candidate #3
Amanda McLoughlin (she/her/hers) as Roommate Candidate #4
Connor McLoughlin (he/him/his) as Roommate Candidate #5
Julia Schifini (she/her/hers) as Roommate Candidate #6
Production
Music by Evan Cunningham
Additional Scoring by Brandon Grugle
Art by Allyson Wakeman
Script Consulting by Octavia Bray
Production Consulting by Lauren Shippen
Engineered by Cara Ehlenfeldt
This podcast was recorded under the SAG-AFTRA Collective Bargaining Agreement using a cash advance from Patreon. Read more about the production process, download our free resources for fiction podcasters, and find pronouns and bios for all cast and crew at nextstopshow.com
Transcript
[NEXT STOP intro plays]
[Song fades out to transition into SCENE 1. The sound of a subway station, footsteps running up stairs]
Ally: It’s here, it’s here, it’s HERE! Finally! After ten months of construction, one month of inspection, a delay, more inspection, another delay, and a few extra days just for good measure - I, Ally Lonergan, declare that today, the Johnson Avenue stop is officially open!
[Ally laughs with delight]
Cam: And I, Cameron Chabon, declare that this art looks dumb and weird! What is this stained glass even a picture of? It looks like a church, but there’s also a Pizza Hut in it?
Ashley: Woah woah woah woah. (rapping) I got my Catholic church, I got my Pizza Hut.
Cam AND Ashley: (together, on beat) I got my combination Catholic church and Pizza Hut!
[Cam and Ashley cheer together]
Cam: Yeah! My dude Ashley coming up on the same wavelength today. Very good.
Gillian: Okay, first of all, making bad jokes is my wavelength. Also, stop wavelengthing with my... girlfriend.
Cam: Okay, I would never ever infringe on your terrible joke territory, Gillian. The floor is yours.
Ally: Come on, this is a celebration! This is a historic day! In the history of us! And the city! And us! Just look at it. Right, Cam? Come over here look at it.
Cam: Oh, hey, Ally, that’s my scarf, I…
[Cam is choked as he’s dragged by the scarf to look at the tracks]
Cam: ...okay, going over to look at the tracks. Wow, so great.
Ally: It’s so new and shiny! Look at these tracks. They’re gunk free! This yellow paint on the edge of the platform - yellow as danger, yellow as caution, yellow as hope! This railing...God! It’s nasty! I’m never touching it. But the train will bring people together! This is a beautiful moment!
Gillian: Right, Ally. It is beautiful. Just the train. That’s it. That’s the... only thing... that’s beautiful...
Ally: ....Right. Only the train. Um...It’ll be so easy for me to commute to work this way. For all of us. The city is open and bright and new again. Yay.
Ashley: Hey, hey Ally. If you’re in love with the train, just love the train. I’m never going to step on the toes of a fellow ferroequinologist.
Gillian: Mmm, say it again.
Ashley: Ferro. Eq. Uin. Ologist.
Gillian: Ooh! Now say it again like Vin Diesel at the end of a Fast and Furious movie.
[Ashley clears her throat]
Ashley: (Vin Diesel impression) Ferroequinologist. It means lover of trains. Corona. Family.
[Gillian laughs]
Gillian: And that’s why I love you, Ashley. You’re always here to make me laugh.
[Ally squeals in excitement]
Ally: Oh my god!
Cam: I think we all love Ashley. We know she’s your girlfriend but she’s come to be, like, our fourth roommate-
[Ally tightens her grip on Cam’s scarf. Cam struggles to get out of it.]
Gillian: You’re just so funny, and smart, and kind, and sweet, and whenever I send you links to concerts I want to go to, you’ve already bought tickets for us.
Cam: Ooh, and you picked up milk that one time, that was clutch.
Gillian: And I want you to do that for me, all the time.
Cam: I mean, our lease isn’t up for a while, so she probably will-
[Cam chokes as Ally tightens her grip on Cam’s scarf]
Cam: LET GO OF MY SCARF, I CAN’T FEEL MY FACE!
Ally: Shut up! It’s happening!
Cam: What is happening?!
Gillian: Ashley Persephone Frangipane, as this train station opens, I want to open a new station with you. Will you marry me?
[Camera sounds as Ally takes rapid-fire pictures on her phone]
Cam: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Ashley: (crying) Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!
[Ashley and Gillian embrace, Cam is still screaming and Ally cheers]
Ally: Okay! Okay, Cam. Cam! Get yourself together!
Cam: Our extremely good friend just proposed in front of us to her girlfriend, now fiancée, who we adore! How are you not losing it?!
Ally: Oh my god! Well, I was definitely nervous and excited during the build-up, but now I have a job to do, which is to take the best Instagram moments of this moment. So, shut it! Gillian, you look hot, babe. Yaas!
Gillian: Thank you.
Ally: Seriously. But we have to redo the video again because of, y’know--
Cam: (screaming) Ahhhhh! This is beautiful and the train is a symbol for love!
Ally: Him.
Cam: How did you even know this was happening? I am wholly surprised.
Ashley: If it helps, so am I.
Cam: Ashley, always got my back. Great job getting engaged.
[Cam and Ashley high five]
Ally: Ugh. You didn’t check your calendar invites, did you?
Cam: Yeah, I did! Like a week ago. Why?
Gillian: It’s right on there. I even added it three times so you’d get three times the notifications.
[Cam opens up his phone to search through it for notifications]
Cam: Well I... did not... see that.
Gillian: Mhm.
Cam: But… (screaming again) ...ahhh, you did it! You’re getting married!
[Cam, Ally, Gillian, and Ashley screams together in excitement, jumping up and down.]
Ally: Okay! Wait, wait, wait, we’re losing light, we’re losing light, we’re losing light. I need to do this video again. Ok Ashley, you need to look surprised. Gillian, you do the thing again. Cam, outta the way.
Cam: I’m the Invisible Man.
[Everyone resets to do the proposal again]
Gillian: (stuttering) Huh, okay. Hm. Webster’s Dictionary defines marriage as two people committing to each other forever in life, and love, and whatever comes next. Huh. Ashley, you make me laugh every day, you send me mixtapes once a week, and I think you’re very, very attractive. And, as this train station opens, I want to open a new station with you. In your heart. And mine. Going express, between our hearts. Ugh. Ashley Persephone Frangipane, will you marry me?
Ashley: (gasps) Oh my god. I’m gonna cry. Gillian Adrianna Morganstern-Smith-Jeffords, I will!
[The group cheers, singing the wedding march. It builds to a fever pitch, with everyone laughing and singing and hugging.]
Gillian: Oh, I’ve got good news! More news!
[Cam and Ally cheer]
Gillian: I’m moving out!
Ally: Noooo! What?
[Stinger as we transition into SCENE 2]
Ally: You’re moving out?!
[Apartment door slams shut]
Cam: That was not good news! At all! It was the opposite!
Gillian: Well yeah, I’m betrothed to be married. I need to get a new boudoir with my paramour.
Ally: Gross.
Cam: Ooh, yeah. What’s French for “hey, my roommate is bailing on us”?! I didn’t get that far in my Duolingo.
Gillian: I am not bailing on you! It’s the opposite, I’m giving you an opportunity to grow. We’ve been living together since college, seven whole years of parties, reality shows, massive Friendsgivings, and mishaps. And now, something has intervened in our lives, my life, bigger than the fun we have together. It’s love, and it propels us onwards to new horizons.
[A beat]
Cam AND Ally: Nope, you’re bailing.
[Ashley enters, and puts down a box]
Ashley: I’ll give you twenty bucks and a penny to stop bothering my beloved about this.
Cam: SOLD!
[Cam bangs the coffee table like a gavel.]
Ally: Okay, sure. Whatever Gillian, we know you’re not bailing. But we’re still going to be jerks about it for a little bit.
Cam: Mm. Not me, I got bribed.
Gillian: Y’know, I do still owe you at least twenty favors for having the only microwave on the floor, which was clutch for late-night mac and cheese. Blackout-1-AM me is eternally thankful.
Ally: And I am equally thankful for the blackmail I have on Present-You from Blackout-1-AM-College-You!
Gillian: As long as you help me move out, I will forget you have that on me and act as if we have a normal relationship that does not involve 1950s spy-style coercion.
Ally: Fine. It’s not like I have anywhere to be on the-- when are you moving out?
Gillian: Uhhhhh--
Ashley: Oh, well my lease is up in a few weeks, and I got a lead on a really cool apartment. It has a pool on the roof and one in the basement. And a view of the water.
Cam: Ugh, I would love just one pool... And a view of anything other than the couple in the other building who are always fighting. You know, if Jim and Jamie would just break up, they’d be happier.
Gillian: Mm.
Ally: A few weeks? God, that’s so soon. I guess you have it all mapped out.
Gillian: Oh yeah! For sure, I do! In fact, because I care for you two so much, I already have a few leads on roommates.
Ally: Alright! I can only assume you're setting me up - FINALLY - with your super, super hot cousin that I've been waiting to seduce...
Gillian: Well, I mean...When you’re 6 feet, bearded, and into competitive karaoke, I will be certain to give you Sven’s number.
Ally: (muttering) I am 6 feet and bearded.
[Gillian sits on the couch.]
Gillian: But seriously, I have a lot of leads to fill my room. Ten, in fact.
Ally: Ten?!
Cam: Ten?
Ashley: Ten.
Gillian: Yeah! And they’ll come here.
Cam: I mean, y’know, that’s a lot, but if it’s just one or two a day, no problem. Stretch it out, y’know?
Gillian: Well, I know that we’re all busy. And I had to factor in Ally’s weird bartending hours. And Cam doesn’t get home until six-thirty-five most nights, so I...
Cam AND Ally: So...
Gillian: So... they’re all coming tomorrow!
Cam AND Ally: What?
Gillian: In a row! You’re welcome.
(simultaneously) Cam: What? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Ally: No! Are you kidding me? No! Absolutely not! Noooo.
Gillian: It’s the best way to do it! Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it. We’ll just get them out of the way, and then you won’t have to worry about it. I mean, this is all for you guys! I promise it is! Not for me at all... Oh my god, what is that outside, I gotta go... take care of it…
[Gillian quickly tries to leave]
Ally: WHAT? NO! Get back here!
[Gillian and Ally run out the front door, Ally yelling at Gillian as she walks out.]
Cam: Hey Ashley, I think I’ll need more than 20 bucks to get me not to pout about you and Gillian Morganstern-Smith-Jeffords moving out-
[Door slams]
Gillian: (from outside, to Cam) Don’t use my full name!
Ally: (from outside, to Gillian) Are you kidding me?!
Ashley: I’ll have to get more cash from the ATM.
Cam: But, if you are in the business of making me feel better about y’all leaving...
Ashley: Shoot.
Cam: Okay, I gotta ask you something. We’ve been friends ever since you started dating Gillian. Remember, Gillian introduced us and you showed me the vintage LPs you had in your backpack? Ashley: Ha, I did do that.
Cam: Yeah, yeah. But now you’re moving and this might be the last chance I can ask you this: Ashley, I’ve wanted to ask you ever since I met you and I need to know... are you... Halsey?
Ashley: Halsey? What..? What do you mean..?
Cam: Yeah, you know, the singer. The singer, Halsey?
Ashley: The singer, Halsey?
Cam: Mhm.
Ashley: Like, Halsey, whose debut studio album Badlands was released in 2015, and was certified platinum?
Cam: Yeah.
Ashley: And her second album Hopeless Fountain Kingdom, right? It peaked at number one in the US?
Cam: I guess?
Ashley: And she sings "Now or Never", which debuted at number 17 on the Billboard Hot 100 and became Halsey's first solo track to earn multi-platinum status? That Halsey? Oh, oh, oh! And there’s that song "Bad at Love", which became her first top-five entry on the Billboard Hot 100 as a solo artist?
Cam: Honestly, I really didn’t do that much research into her.
Ashley: Oh yeah, now that I think of it, yeah yeah, I guess I’ve heard of her... Before I answer, why would I be Halsey?
Cam: I’m glad you asked. Well, you always have music hookups. And you were gone for a few weeks around the same time that Halsey was on tour. And when she was a host of SNL you brought us a bunch of coasters signed by Kate McKinnon.
Ashley: Oh yeah, I love her.
Cam: And you don’t have social media, which is what a celebrity would do to stay low-key. And you look exactly like her, but wearing a redhead wig.
Ashley: Oh thank you, that’s a great compliment. And those are really good points. Yeah.
Cam: Yeah, I thought so. I rest my case.
Ashley: Okay, I will tell you, but you have to keep this under wraps.
Cam: Okay...
Ashley: I’m se-- No, I am serious, Cam. No cameras, no press, nothing!
Cam: Yeah, yeah, sure no problem.
Ashley: Okay, alright. Alright, you ready? You ready for this?
Cam: Yeah! So ready.
Ashley: ...I...am... not Halsey.
Cam: Ah, well. Figured I’d ask.
Ashley: Hm. Happy to help. Well, I gotta go on another tour to promote reaching one billion streams on Spotify. I mean... go to my apartment to prepare for the move.
Cam: Bye, Ashley!
Ashley: Bye, Cam!
[Ashley walks out the door and closes it.]
Cam: I like her, glad Gillian locked that down.
[Door opens as Ally returns, slumps onto the couch.]
Ally: I’m gonna get drunk. I’m going to start drinking at the beginning of the day. And then we’re gonna drink more for every single person that comes in here.
Cam: Ah, a drinking marathon. My liver hates it but my brain thinks it’s a great idea.
Ally: Brilliant!
[Stinger as we transition into SCENE 3]
Gillian: Alright, here we go. You guys are gonna be great! Because you’re fun, and you’re funny, and you’re cool to live with.
Ally: Yeah we know we’re great. I’m fun, funny, and cool to live with! I just need to prove that to strangers, which is weird.
Cam: Uh, ten strangers.
Ally: Yeah, that’s right, ten strangers.
Gillian: Okay, I hear you. And you know what, I’m gonna put some chili on. That way, people will know that you’re awesome, and you cook all the time, and you can get a good simmer going. And it’ll smell like chili, which everyone loves.
Cam: Oh, you’re going out? Can you grab some beer, too? We were determined to be drunk this whole time.
Ally: We’re gonna be drunk this whole time.
Gillian: Well, no, I got everything we need right here.
[Gillian opens the fridge and starts taking things out.]
Gillian: Oh. No beer though, I didn’t think of that.
Ally: Wait. You’re not the kind of person who always has ground beef on hand. You only go to the grocery store when you’re hungry, and that’s so infrequent. So that means… Oh my god! This is all staged! You’re moving out, then scheduled our day to within an inch of its life, and now you have raw meat in the fridge. You wanted this to be easy so you don’t have to deal with the fact that you’re leaving. You’re a turncoat! You’re a TURNCOAT.
Cam: Turncoat.
Ally: What’s next, you have a script for us to read when we meet people?
[Gillian crumples a piece of paper]
Gillian: (suspiciously) Uh uh...no. I wouldn’t… I wouldn’t do that. I mean, I might have some... just ideas or whatever of some lines if you get stuck. Or maybe some conversation starters-- maybe some improv games--
Cam: Ally, it’s okay. Yes, this sucks hard, we can agree. But we’ll find a roommate at the end of this. I mean, they can’t be that bad, right?
[A beat, as montage music starts to play]
Oh no, I just invoked them being terrible. Didn’t I?
[A whoosh as we cut to the first roommate candidate]
Samuel: Greetings, I’m Samuel Clemens! It’s nice to meet you!
Cam: Like... Mark Twain? Like his real name?
Samuel: Yes.
Cam: If this is a catfish, you have to tell us. If you don’t, it’s entrapment.
[A whoosh as we cut to another roommate candidate, who is eating nachos]
Stranger 1: (eating) Yeah, so I really consider myself a go-getter, get up super early in the morning, love to cook.
Cam: Where did you even get nachos?
Stranger 1: Brought them from home. Make my own queso.
Cam: Really? Tell me mo-
Ally: No.
[A whoosh as we cut to another roommate candidate]
Stranger 2: Before we start, I need to know if you’re okay with dogs.
Ally: Yeah, we love dogs. Can we have dogs in here? What kind of dog do you have?
Stranger 2: A Plutonian water dog. She’s right here. Here, Galaxatron, here, girl.
Ally: There’s no dog, dude.
Cam: No…
Ally: None.
Stranger 2: Duh, she has her cloaking device on. C’mon.
Cam: Is it weird if I see a dog?
Ally: Yeah!
[A whoosh as we cut to another roommate candidate]
Cam: So, um, what are your favorite movies?
Stranger 3: Oh, y’know. The usual. National Treasure, Ghost Rider, The Wicker Man, Leaving Las Vegas, National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets--
Ally: So...Anything with Nicolas Ca-
Stranger 3: Nic Cage is my dream man, how can you not?!
[A whoosh as we cut to another roommate candidate]
Stranger 1: (still eating) The secret to good queso: You gotta char the aromatics till they're black. I’ve never even looked at packaged spices.
Cam: A craftsman.
Ally: Can you leave, please?
[A whoosh as we cut to another roommate candidate]
Stranger 4: Now, I have a question for you! What time do you guys go to sleep?
Cam: Oh sure, good question. Around eleven most nights, later on weekends. Right?
Ally: Mm, yeah.
Stranger 4: And are you a light sleeper? If so, how light?
[Stranger 4 opens a notebook and uncaps a pen to start taking notes]
Cam: Uhhh….
Stranger 4: Umm...And what would you say is your regular bathroom schedule? And are you more alert in the morning as opposed to later in the day?
Cam: I.... don’t sleep. I never sleep.
Ally: Yeah, we’re always, just--
Cam: Always awake.
Stranger 4: I don’t know if that’s gonna work for me…
Cam: Oh, that’s hurtful…But okay.
Ally: Oh yeah, that’s too bad.
[A whoosh as we cut to another roommate candidate]
Stranger 5: (begging, screaming) Please, I need friends so badly! It’s just so hard to make friends as an adult in this city, please!
[Stranger 5 sobs for a long time]
Stranger 5: I’m lonely!
Cam: You know what, there are not enough tissues in the world…
Ally: Yeah, we don’t know how to help you…
Stranger 5: Can you give me a referral?
Ally: No…
Cam: That’s a hard no.
[A whoosh as we cut to another roommate candidate]
Ally: But how did Mark Twain not come up in the delivery room?
Samuel: It just didn’t. I would have said something, but I was, you know, a baby at the time. The oddest part of this whole thing is that my family’s surname is Worchester. So I’m the only Clemens.
Cam: Alright, Nev and Max of MTV’s Catfish, come on out. Ha, ha, ha. You got me.
Ally: What if it’s Ashton Kutcher?
Samuel: Is Ashton Kutcher here?
Ally: Please leave.
Cam: He could be. He could be anywhere.
[A whoosh as we cut to another roommate candidate. Cam is now eating Stranger 1’s nachos.]
Cam: Oh… oh, oh!
Ally: No!
Cam: No, the taste is better than the smell.
Ally: N-- Oh my god…
[Montage music ends, transitioning into SCENE 4. Cam is now laying on the floor]
Ally: That’s it! I’m done! I gotta get outta here!
Cam: Oh no, don’t leave me alone. I can’t hear any more stories about kombucha. The water temperature, the consistency of the SCOBY, the name of the SCOBY. I don’t care that you named it SCOBY Doo. Or Scrappy-Doo the SCOBY, which is just derivative.
Gillian: And we’re out of chili.
Cam: And we’re out of chili?! Oh god, no, take me now! I’ve accepted my fate on the River Styx, row me out!
Gillian: Guys, come on. We have just three more people left.
Ally: Then you take care of it! This was all your plan anyways. You’re so good at selling us, then just sell us again. Run away to your cool new wife and your cool new apartment and your cool new everything else. Maybe you’ll get cool new friends too! I gotta go to work. If I can’t serve myself booze, I might as well serve it to someone who’s gonna give me money.
[Ally walks to the door]
Cam: If I die bury me in satin! Lay me down on a bed of roses, but cut off the thorns!
Gillian: Ally, come back soon, he’s not gonna make it that long.
Ally: That’s all on you and your stupid wild scheduling. And now I’m moving out... of this conversation.
[Ally leaves. Cam begins singing Bohemian Rhapsody]
Cam: Mama, oOOoOOOo, I don’t wanna die. Sometimes I wish I’d never been born at all.
[Cam sings a guitar solo. Music stinger as we fade into SCENE 5. Ally enters the subway station as a train screeches by]
Ally: How does it already look nasty up here? Why is that arrival clock pointing towards the wall? Who can even read that? The wall is very informed about the next downtown train.
[A train hisses as Ally accidentally bumps into Samuel Clemons, scaring him]
Ally: Oh gosh, I’m sorry.
Samuel: Ah! You can have my wallet! I don’t have any cash, just a Sizzler loyalty card and I’m not that loyal!
Ally: Okay! I’m sorry! God...
Samuel: Oh. Oh, hello, you’re Ally from the apartment before.
Ally: Oh, hey. And you were... um... from the apartment before too?
Samuel: Samuel Clemens.
Ally: Right, the Mark Twain guy.
Samuel: That’s me! I’m glad you remembered.
Ally: With a name like that? That’s why they named me after Huckleberry Finn. I’m actually Ally Finn.
Samuel: I know you’re making fun of me, but I am looking forward to possibly living in the same place as you, so I’ll let it slide.
Ally: Are you still here from that? That was, like, hours ago.
Samuel: Oh, no. I went on a bunch of other apartment meetings... apartment dates? I don’t know what to call them, but I did them, five today. And I liked yours the best. It was homey and smelled nice.
Ally: It was chili. But it was fake.
Samuel: Fake chili? Is that, like… up to health codes?
Ally: The chili was real. I mean we were faking being nice and good to live with. Ugh. You know how real estate agents light a cookie-scented candle to make you want to buy a house? We did that, but with chili. Just as fake.
Samuel: Okay, if you say so. I got all turned around though, that’s why I’m here. The trains, they twist and wind around the entire city, like an ancient sea serpent diving in and out of the ocean. I love it. And this new station, you’re so lucky to have it. When did it open?
Ally: Yesterday. My friends got engaged.
Samuel: Oh, wow! Congratulations to them! Give them a thank you card from me?
Ally: Ha, that’s nice.
[Samuel pulls a small stack of thank you cards out of his bag.]
Ally: Oh, you have one.
Samuel: Never know when you need one. What are their names?
[Samuel starts writing out the card]
Ally: Gillian and Ashley.
Samuel: Gillian….and…. A-- Spell “Ashley”? Are there any secret hidden G’s I need to account for?
Ally: It’s just the regular way. Ooh, like, if you took that pop star “Halsey” and rearranged it to “Ashley”.
Samuel: Huh…
Ally: Halsey, Ashley.
Samuel: My mom just stuck a whole bunch in my backpack when I left town to head out here. She said “you’ll never know when you’ll need to thank someone”. I thought I unpacked them all, but I guess I didn’t. And I had like, six, but I gave most of them to the apartment dates I went on. But one more. For your friends.
Ally: Where are you from?
Samuel: Uh, Whip’s End, Michigan. No explanation of what they’re whipping or why they’d name a town after it, which is somehow a little bit more comforting than knowing.
Ally: Wow, that’s almost as bad as mine. Welcome to the Edge-of-the-Earth, Oregon. “Come Fall Off With Us”.
[As they talk, a train arrives in the station]
Samuel: Yeah, but we had one of those signs where you could change the population of the town. It would fluctuate from 205 to 200 or so.
Ally: You got me beat. 330 at all times.
[A pause as Samuel leans over the tracks, exhaling in appreciation]
Samuel: Look at these tracks, they don't have lick of gunk on them.
Ally: You know they’re going to be nasty in a few days right? The city just gets ‘em.
[The train departs as Samuel speaks]
Samuel: I guess so. But nothing ever stays the same. What’s the point of having shiny new rails if they won’t get used? For a few dollars, I can go wherever I want, whenever I want. It’s worth the gunk. If it stayed shiny like that, what would it be for?
[A beat, as Samuel realizes the train has left]
Samuel: Oh, oh oh! Was I supposed to get on that?
[Samuel unfolds a map to check]
Ally: You should live with us!
Samuel: OH HEY WOW THAT’S SO GREAT. I mean... Yeah. Swell.
Ally: You’re not going to be a creep, are you?
Samuel: I will try my best not to, but I am not exactly sure what the parameters are.
Ally: You should say yes to this next question. You’re not a creep, right?
Samuel: I am not a creep!
Ally: Great!
[Music stinger plays as we transition to SCENE 6. Gillian and Cam are still interview roommate candidates. Cam is still laying on the floor]
Stranger 6: And that’s definitive proof why Bigfoot is real and lives in Burlington, Vermont as an ornery cheesemonger.
Cam: No, I can’t, nope, no, get out, nope, nerp, nu-uh, thanks, bye, you were great, and by great I mean nope.
Stranger 6: Um, fine? The energy in here was really weird anyway. It smells like old meat, which attracts Chupacabras. See you later, losers.
[Stranger 6 hops on Razor scooter and scoots out of the apartment]
Gillian: Was that a Razor scooter? Where did that even come from? She pulled that outta-- Did she come with that? It was outta nowhere.
Cam: Probably borrowed it from the missing link.
Gillian: Oh.
[Ally bursts into the apartment with Samuel in tow]
Ally: Was that potential roommate Razor scooting? Dang, maybe I’m too late. I miss all the good stuff.
Cam: No, no, nooo. You didn’t miss anything, they were terrible and loved the sasquatch! Ally, you came back for me! To save me from this rotating hellscape of new people I have to interact with!
Ally: Well, not to fear, I am here to save the day.
Cam: I knew it.
Ally: I brought back - drum roll, please -
[Cam and Gillian mimic drumroll]
Ally: Samuel Clemens!
[Cam mimics fanfare]
Samuel: Hi. I’m Samuel Clemons.
Cam: ...Hi.
Gillian: Hello.
Ally: Cool. Alright, well. Gillian, I’m sorry. I just... I didn’t want things to, y’know, change. I didn’t want to lose what we had. And what we had was kinda great. But I know you gotta move on. And you should, Ashley is an amazing person, so you totally should. And I think I like her better than you. Sorry, not sorry?
Gillian: I’ll accept it, I feel the same. And that was really sweet, up until the end, I guess? Regardless, I do feel bad that I’m leaving. And I’m sorry too. We had such a good time together and I didn’t want to lose that, which is why I waited so long to tell you that I was gonna move out. But you know what? We are going to be friends no matter what. Promise.
Ally: Pinky promise.
Gillian: Pinky promise.
Cam: Oh, I want in on this too.
Gillian: Three way pinky promise! Oh! Also, I made you your favorite - mac and cheese!
Ally: Oh my god...
Cam: Ah, mm! It came from the box. I saw it.
Ally: You really are my friend-- I don’t care, Cam! God, you remembered. This… This is amazing. Thank you, Gillian.
[Ally picks up, takes a bite, then puts down the bowl.]
Ally: And on that sweet note, I gotta go to my cesspool of a workplace. I wasted all my time having, you know, revelations and stuff.
Cam: Ah, come on, stay! Stay!
Gillian: Stay!
[Gillian and Cam begin chanting ‘Stay!’ Ally joins then momentarily, then:]
Ally: Can’t stay! Gotta go.
Cam: But we chanted!
Ally: If I’m not there, who are the regulars going to spill beer on and then explain that their wallet was “stolen by a leprechaun... again!”
Gillian: That’s disturbing.
Ally: Isn’t it, though?
Cam: They are sneaky…
Samuel: It happened before…?
Ally: Let’s not talk about it. Cam, Samuel. Samuel, Cam. And he said he wasn’t a creep, so, all things considered, I think that’s a pretty good background check from me. Bye.
[Ally passes Ashley on the way out. Ashley walks in.]
Ashley: Ready to go, babe?
Gillian: Yes, my betrothed! My beloved! Mon ami.
Ashley: Ha, how nice. That’s me. Well bye, Cam. Stay dorky.
Cam: Huh?
Ashley: New guy. Pew pew, pew pew.
Samuel: Pew pew, too…
Cam: Pew pew.
[Ashley finger guns as she and Gillian leave]
Samuel: Dumb question: Was that Halsey?
Cam: She says she’s not.
[Music begins to play]
Samuel: Huh. Every day is full of surprises.
[NEXT STOP theme outro plays]
NEXT STOP is a Multitude Production created by Eric Silver. You can find our full cast list, credits, and transcripts at NextStopShow.com